Les Mis Trailer

Monday, 20 December 2010

Reverb 10

Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't
because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred
from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
This is a difficult one to answer. Sure, there are things that I should have done this year but have ignored or put into the 'to-do' list, but on the other hand, I have been trying very hard to live for the day; not focussing too much on the future or the past, and in doing that, I quash things mentally that fall into this category as soon as they enter my thoughts. What I always put off, and have done too many times to recount, is to avoid confrontation and conflict; arguments and unpleasant quarrels etc. I do this because I am afraid of what I will hear or set in train or not be able to take back. I do this because my nature leads me to finding compromises where ever possible, but often at the expense of my own wishes. I don't put me first.
I also do this because I try to live according to the Four Agreements. It is very difficult to do every moment of  every day, but it gives me a grip on my emotions, especially at moments of doubt, worry, fear, hurt and anger. I am learning to remain in my own emotions rather than those of others because the only reality I can know is my own, and no-one else's. How I view my world is not the same as how anyone else views it - I suppose that is logical, but we all make assumptions about situations when we do not know anything about them, and we put our own reality on them regardless of whether we are right or wrong. I face this challenge several times a week!!! I imagine all sorts of things are going on just because I do not have the information I need to actually know the reality of what is happening. And it is human nature to  usually think the worst in such instances, and not the best!!! So there is torment, and distress, and fear, and worry and anger and obstinacy ( in my case) and I suffer. But I am doing all that to myself, all by myself!! 
Changing this is what I am going to try in 2011. I will be clearer in my communication with others, I will accept that I can control and change my reality by basing it on new logic and not the old one that stems from things that I have already experienced in my life. I am going to TRY HARDER.
Sue xx

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