Feeding frenzy

These gulls were photographed on top of our neighbour's shed about 2 minutes ago. They were squabbling over huge chunks of bread that had been thrown up there for the birds. I am actually quite pleased with these pictures. I am still not happy with my camera as I have not worked out how to use it correctly and to get the best photos out of it, but I am practicing which is the good part. It is colder outside than I had anticipated. Too cold for me to venture out right now! I have started pulling off the wallpaper but need to wait now for the paper to cover the floor which Ann is bringing this evening. Good excuse? I also sat and made some bookmarks for my study group to go with the small presents I made them for Christmas. My inky fingers are proof of my creativity today!
Sue xx

Such a sucker for orchestration!!

What makes a good song for me is orchestration behind the lead vocals; the swell of a power ballad; the piano intros; the lyrics...............yep, fell for this one yesterday!!!
Sue xx

Frothy Coffee

It's rather becoming a daily habit since I got the milk frother!! It is skimmed milk and decaf though........so allowed on my diet. What I try to do is only eat what I am permitted and sometimes when I feel 'hungry' instead of eating more I make a drink of coffee, tea or water. It seems to be working anyway. Where ever you look right now people are showing off their slimmed down bods or talking about diets or advertising weight watchers etc. It is the January obsession each year I suppose. But ok, whilst we are full of our resolutions and booking  summer holidays and thinking of warmer weather, this is probably the best chance we have to 'be good.'

On the news here yesterday there was a mention of the Swine Flu of last year, and how it was not expected to be a problem this year..............what they didn't talk about was the huge problem it is in the UK with the  Health Service crippled by thousands of staff being off with flu and several tragedies already happening. My daughter was very ill last year with it so I hope she is better prepared this time around. There is a lot of flu around so hoping that it stays away from our doors this winter.

My books are in transit!!! Makes me happy just saying those words...........amazon............free delivery......sale.............

Well, my procrastination has to stop, there is work to be done!! Tim is heading out of the door to college so I can start hacking off wallpaper outside the bedrooms on the landing any time now!!!!! The coffee was my 'you can have another one of these when done' motivational treats! I find that saying something out loud actually makes me do it; just thinking is not enough!! And I need to cycle again later this morning; I was perished when I came home but it did wake my system up for the day.

Missing Chris Evans too Becs!!!
Sue xx

My favourite shop.

www.dehoedendoos.nl  Take a look at their website - I peeked in the windows this morning, and boy, was I glad it was shut til Thursday!!! My idea of heaven in a store......(oh, well, if Anthropologie opened in Amsterdam as well as London, that would also make me happy)!
The whole house can be decorated with items from this wonderful little slice of  deliciousness....drool....
Sue xx

Thinking ahead....

I am a planner by nature. Not one of those happy people who can just leave things to chance or the last minute. But it is not out of a sense of stress or worry, no, I enjoy the thinking about it all part just too darn much!!! For myself, being spontaneous is fine, and I can be that in a flash if something takes my fancy or I just want to do it at that moment, but for events, like birthdays, I need some good planning time. So here it is: the book I need ready for Tim's 18th birthday in April. What does our son want for his party? CAKES and DESSERTS!!!! Since we have not one single cookery book in the house devoted to such delights ( well, got to find the excuse to buy another one m'dears) I am going for this one.

THE HUMMINGBIRD BAKERY COOKBOOK

 It contains everything I could possibly want to bake for him, and now that  I know about the English Shop in Amstelveen, and with going to the UK shortly, I need to make my second favourite thing: LISTS. 

I have always loved - and  collected - pens, paper, felt tips, crayons, blank books, stationary items, books, all the accouterments of a literary minded gal. I keep at least 5 in my handbag, using the right one for the right writing moment.............how the slant of my hand will work, what style fits the mood and message; I simply enjoy playing around with letters. My daughter is precisely the same and considering that we are both Dyslexic I wonder what that says about us?......friends that know me best give me pens and paper as presents on a regular basis. I still hanker after that elusive beautiful nibbed fountain pen though - the one with the long and ever so slim nib..... I remember having an old fountain pen when I was at school, ( it was a burgundy colour) and I loved writing with it because of its nib. Never had another such again, but this one has remained in my memory just waiting to be re-found and bought. I am left-handed so once I have used a pen it is not right for anyone else to use because the nib slants to my way very quickly and then it is all wrong for those right-handed others. I am as precious about my pens as I am about my books. I also remember writing lots and lots of lengthy letters on airmail paper years ago. I was totally obsessed with only using the Toile Suisse paper which came in A4 size sheets and was just perfect. Can you buy that any more? No. People send emails or twitter or text, and the simple pleasure of writing on that filmy paper is gone. I miss it if truth be told. I am not a good telephone person, I use it for necessity only. But I do love letters. Probably why I write a blog - probably why I yearn to have an old-fashioned typewriter..................but I digress. This is a post about cakes after all!!

Sue xx

Book lover

There are just so many that I have got my sights set on right now!! Can one ever have enough I wonder...I was looking into the kindle books on Amazon yesterday but although it offers free downloads, because I am not in the UK, this doesn't apply to me! How wrong is that?!! I can download the kindle onto the computer but that is as far as I get.  I fancy the idea of the digital book thingys that I see people taking with them on holiday etc. I am not really a gadget fan but the thought of having so many books in one simple device that can easily fit into the rucksack does appeal to me............maybe I will be slowly converted, who knows? I have never got into the library book lending, being someone who has to own her books. Having them around me is important to my happiness apparently.

I read about a therapy yesterday that I plan to try; never heard of it before, have you?
"Thought-field Therapy". It seems to involve tapping your body in a certain order which in turn taps into the sensitive areas of the body as in reflexology etc. In the Daily Mail online Paul Mckenna talks about how he can make anyone more happy..............and he talks about this technique in his book extract. It sounds plausible, so I think it is something I might try this week and if it works for me, share with my study group. They will either have heard of it already or think I have finally cracked!!! ;-) Maybe it is the name that attracts me..................

On a sad note, the actor Pete Postlethwaite died yesterday. He was such a superb actor, a genuinely nice, unassuming man, and he was too young to die. He was suffering from cancer and he died in the hospital in Shropshire, where he lived. RIP Pete.

It is snowing again in England AND there was an earthquake in Yorkshire yesterday!!! Talking about the weird and wonderful freak weather that is around the globe at the moment, this is getting a little bit too close to home! Looking outside it seems ok here this morning though the cars are frosted over again. I am off to the hairdressers this morning and planning to cycle there and back. Diet went well yesterday so got to keep up the good work. I think my current goal is my birthday at the end of next month. What would I like to be before then?..............I think 5 kilos less than I am right now ought to be possible. More if I can. Deal?

Just listening to Radio 2 and a fabulous new song............wonder who sings it?...
Sue xx

Funny creatures...........

Genghis on the blanket.

Finka dragging the blanket into their bed!

Snuggled up beside me in their nightly positions.

Finka was totally put out when her 'bed' up in our bedroom was taken away for the day last week, because her blanket was unavailable apparently. Despite being under the influence of her sedatives, she suddenly appeared downstairs, dragging her blanket behind her!!! Going without it for a day was obviously not an option!!! First of all she got it on the stool next to their hangmat, and Genghis sat in it. Then she wanted it in their bed so it was dragged in there so they both could sleep on it. Eventually I re-aranged it so that it was nicely in the bed and they could sleep on top of it.......smart girl! The final photo is of them snuggled up to me on the settee for the evening which is where they are to be found every night. What would I do without their company, eh?

This morning there was a hard frost and the car was totally white again when I went outside this morning. Luckily I was forewarned so I knew to be a little earlier going out of the house. Although the roads were white with the frost most of the journey to Schagen, there were no problems with ice or the traffic thankfully. It was really nice seeing everyone altogether for the New Years Breakfast. I shook so many hands and was kissed and hugged til I was all hugged out! It was quieter than previous years, that was my first impression, but nice all the same. Since I have no work this month I always feel it is good to just 'touch base' with one and all so that I have seen them at the start of  another year. Tim went off to college again this morning so we are all back in familiar routines once more.

Once home it was definitely the day for cleaning downstairs!! Oh yes, I do do it sometimes!!! Even the windows out the back got my attention! When I arrived home I saw one of our neighbours outside cleaning her windows so I stopped for a chat with her which was nice. She told me it is going to snow like billy-o after this week, worse than ever.............so we were both making the most of the brief respite in the wintry weather. I got as far as up the stairs and determined that it was sufficient for today. Tomorrow I can do upstairs and then it is paper-stripping time! Got to be done now, as we are on a schedule. And it will be good, cheap exercise for me too. Settling back into my diet regime is difficult, but I am determined not to slide any further or else it will all be in vain. So, the attack phase is well and truly underway after the breakfast this morning............you too?.......

Not much else happening which I suppose is a good thing. One bright thing to look forward to is the new series of "Lark Rise" which starts again this coming Sunday; I do love it!! So Ineke, if you have missed the previous series, this one is definitely not to be missed!!! It is right up our street! :-) I can fill you in if you want to know what happened in the previous series? 

Sue xx

What do you do when..........

you are feeling down? Or your mind is racing and throwing up topics you'd rather leave buried? Me, I read and I write. They are my comfort blankets. So yesterday I sat and read a book called 'The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. She takes a year in her life to study and work out what happiness is, what it means to her and how she can get more of it! Interesting, right? She writes down 12 personal commandments for herself to remind her what her authentic self is, and she chooses 12 topics to focus on, one per month, and then writes about how she gets on with all that. I am over-simplifying it here, obviously, but it is a good book to read when you are wondering what happiness there is for you.
Yesterday I sat and wrote about my dream, I read my own book and made corrections and thought about what to write next. And just this morning I listened to a 20 minute talk by Brene Brown, about Vulnerability. Someone had sent it to me in an email. Turns out it was timely and wise and something I needed to listen to and understand right now.
Brown's research spans 8 years, and is fascinating. Well to me, anyway, since I am such a complex person when it comes to my emotions. These last few days I have found myself wishing I was simpler; less; more accepting, less demanding; braver, less scared; more open, less controlling.  Worrying about 'not being enough' - that was the clincher!!! (ouch!) Hurt and miserable and about to run away - that is where I was in my mind on Friday. I'd written down all my insecurities and thoughts about the past year - my annual review as it were, and then tried to ignore it. Tried to push it aside and pretend that it was not important or of value or worthy of sharing. I was afraid of being judged for it. For my own truths from my perspective, not being good enough.
So what does Brown conclude?
She says that what we as humans all have is the power to Connect. The ability to feel connected, but that underpinning this is a need to be Vulnerable. She tried to unravel connection, what it means, and discovered that at the base of connection is Shame, or a fear of connection, the excruciating vulnerability of feeling ' I am not good enough.' In all different manner of ways: at work, in relationships, family, friends, size, shape, looks etc. What her research showed her was that the people who felt most connected all shared a sense of worthiness, of love and belonging, a belief that they were worthy of it. She called them the 'whole-hearted people.' The ones with true courage, meaning the courage to be imperfect; kind to ourselves first and then to others. Being who you are, nothing more and nothing less. By fully embracing vulnerability we can be beautiful and honest and authentic, and it is so necessary at the end of the day. Being vulnerable does mean having to let go of controlling and predicting and all those other comforting actions that we tend to do when we are doubting ourselves, our worthiness. It means loving because that is what you feel and how you are and what you want to do. It means having no expectations or boundaries or conditions attached to it:- 'to love with our whole hearts even when there is no guarantee.' How hard it that?!!!!
What have I learnt from all this  you may be wondering?
That I need to try harder. That I am who I am, and that that is good enough. That you love me the way I am, and that all my wishing for a simpler mind has to stop! That the one I have is uniquely mine and that it is precious to me. That I ought to be happy to be me. ( Mmm, might take some more work!) That sharing my thoughts is not as scary as I think, because you will not judge me, only listen and accept. That there is no need to run away, only to run to. That my vulnerability is going to help me be more lovable. That I can admit it when I am scared or worried or need help. That I don't know everything!!! That letting you in my head is what I want more than anything. That I will find peace if I am willing to do that without the angst that I attach to it every time.
I have a long way to go still, but this is a start, this is me REGAINING myself in 2011.
Sue xx

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Phew, my head is still spinning at 10.am this morning but not from too much to drink last night, but rather a most amazing dream. All I can think of is that I need to write it down before I do anything else this morning, especially as it has brought me so much peace in my head that just wasn't there when I went to bed last night. So with a splitting headache, a cup of tea, my pj's still on, I wish you all a very happy 2011, but I am off to follow my dream!!!
Sue xx