I have always said of myself that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and what you see is what you get regarding my emotions. I cannot hide them away or act in any other way than the way I am feeling at that moment. So I cry easily, feel deeply, scare in a second, love with all my heart, wound instantly, suffer sensitivities constantly...............and care for all. And so much more!! It does not make my life easy or simple; quite the contrary in fact! But it does allow me to be true to myself and take responsibility for my actions, and it has given me the burden/gift of a really ever-present and demanding conscience.
It is my sister's 49th birthday today. I visited her with Clare last week and it was a heart-wrenching experience. Despite having her Liver transplant in March, progress is minute and she is fading fast. It is as much her responsibility as anything else, and this makes it harder to bear, but it is my opinion that she has to accept her situation and deal with her past if she has any hope of a future. I wish I was there for her, but I am not, I am here and I have to work with the things in my own life that are evolving and developing and shaping, and I can only support her from a distance. She is like a wounded animal waiting by the side of the road, knowing that two things can happen: she can be run over and killed outright or she can be rescued by a passer-by who stops and cares enough to take the burden on. For this to happen, you have to cry out for help or be noticed, or tell someone of your distress, and I am afraid she is doing none of these things. She has people, family and professionals who are all trying to help her, that I do know, but there is a mist between them that prevents Jo from seeing that they are there for her and really do care enough to help her....and it breaks my heart to see my sister this way. I just wanted to say this this morning, thanks.
Sue xx
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