I don't have the words but she did.....

'How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.'             Elizabeth Barret Browning. I told you I didn't have the words to describe my feelings but that was not true. These may not be my words but I know them by heart and I have always loved this poem. So here they are, and I challenge you to come up with something better!!! You can try and catch me out with word-play but I will win!!!  Sue xxx

Good to know!

.............one of our clients told me today that he was very happy to have met me and have me in his life as he felt he had been 'touched by an angel'. My day was suddenly brighter.
Sue xx

Shame

Just love the humour in this video and the song holds a great deal of meaning in my life so I do like it a lot!!!
And listening to the words and knowing something about regret myself, and how not speaking out for oneself or being honest about one's emotions, can change a whole lifetime in one single letter. I wrote so many that never got posted, stood by letterboxes all over the place with them in my hand never daring to let them go until one day I did.........and it was too late. So remember, there is no turning back the time, there is only the future, and it is still to be written, so there are endless possibilities and a whole world full of experiences just waiting to happen. The choices are there to be made, the lessons already learnt and the bitter experience of what happens when we ignore our true destiny should only act as a catalyst for everything we do from here on in. An ordinary life............what is that anyway? It reminds me of the poem I love so much, and that there are extraordinary moments in every life when spirits collide and we find ourself in someone else's eyes. The trick is never letting go again, no matter what.
Sue xx

I've moved again!

Only the computer really and that is not yet in the right place but it is out of our bedroom and that is already an improvement! Tim kept his promise to help build the large cupboard  for me this morning. If smashing things helps my daughter then cursing seems to help Tim!! We have got two of the cupboards built now and in place, but they need to be fixed to one another for more security and he wasn't sure what to use for that....leaving it for you! If we only put two parts in my snug there is room for my desk which is important, and I cannot add that yet as it has no legs!!! Once the walls are covered in pictures and shelves etc I will try not to focus on their colour too much; it didn't make sense to worry about it now I agree, but it needs a little touch of 'me' before it feels like my space here. And my large light needs hanging as otherwise it is Dilbert's cubicle for me if I want to sit here at night!!! I  can say progress has been made and that was todays objective after all............so now I am going to think about other things including dinner!
Have you seen that Finding Neverland is on this afternoon on BBC1?!! And follows South Pacific?! Wow, what is this with the autumn kick-off; great films and series all starting - heavenly! I adore Finding Neverland and can never watch it without shedding tears so I hope Ann will ignore any teary-eyedness on my part when she comes to share our Sunday Roast! Hopefully it will not make the gravy too thin eh?!!
I have actually sat down and gone through all my administration this morning which for me is quite something! I am not a lover of paperwork and was spurred on by my own good intention to be up to date for moving into my snuggery today. Hang the ironing!! I got a letter from the electricity company yesterday  claiming I have not sent in my meter reading when we moved, but I know absolutely that I did, so I have checked it all again and yes, I am right and they have lost it in the post! So something I have to deal with tomorrow. And Tim starts college in one more week so it was useful to gather all his papers together in his file so we know where everything is before the day arrives........just his bike he needs to see to this week.
Well, I could ramble on for ever but I have to do some picture hanging now! These walls are just too bear for my taste and I can easily pretty the room up with the ones I know are in a box in the living room. Still hunting for the rest sadly - a box too far I fear. Oh, by the way, the hole in the wall from the bedroom to here is too small and needs to be made bigger so that the wires can pass through - we have got them going round the doors again!!! A temporary inconvenience m'dear.
Okay, really going now..........hey, did you see the video of the song SHAME by Robbie and Gary? Great humour guys!!!
Sue xx

Jealousy

I do not have a tendency towards jealousy, however.....just reading Inekes's blog sends me into all kinds of frenzies just listening to her talking about scarts and cables and technicalities to do with televisions and internet and dvd players.........and then hearing that she knows how to do all this herself!!!!! I have no idea what she is talking about half of the time but I do recognise a talent for leads and plugs and wires and connections that I simply am never going to possess myself. Petje af Ineke!!!!! My mind gets blown just by the mere mention of anything with a plug on it!!!
Sue xx

Take a deep breath Suzanne!!!

.......and tighten the old seatbelt, it's going to get a little bumpy!!
Phew, life is sometimes harder than we would like it to be, and right now I am struggling with a couple of things that have happened that just manage to take the edge off my  feeling of independence. So September is going to have to be a slow kind of month with nothing going on outside the essentials and then some of the things I had hoped to do will just be put on the back burner for another time and I have to get used to that idea - fast!
Isn't it frustrating when you worry about something and then find out the answer is so simple if you only knew where to look? I noticed my car had a light that was not working today and it is illegal to ride around without it working so I checked into Kwikfit after work and asked them to replace it for me. It turned out that there was just a loose wire and nothing wrong with my bulb at all! So no cost madam. I also got some screen clean thrown in after I booked the car in for a service which it desperately needs as I can hear the poor dear struggling every time I get into her. And having done that I realised that my intended day in Den Haag would not be possible after all, despite it being the start of my course and interesting to attend. It is swings and roundabouts time folks!!! Robbing Peter to pay Paul and all those old sayings........but I need to just accept that this is the way it is from now on, and deal with it. It will all serve to make me a better person in the end and on a scale of life-threatening situations I don't qualify for sympathy at all, so making all things relative, I cannot complain. Isn't this the reason I needed to read my book " Buddism for sheep"?!!!!
Creative thinking - that is my plan for the weekend; how to make what I have work for me. May require a little bit of tweaking but I know that if I put my mind to it, I can turn items I already own into ones that I can use here for other purposes. Think kitchen. I need more room for my small items such as the spices etc. and years and years ago I bought two small MDF ( yes, that long ago! ) fake pine wall cupboards that have served various purposes over the years. My idea is to paint them with left over paint in the shed, and then use them for the spices etc instead of buying anything else. They may not be beautiful or anyone else's idea of storage but I have them sitting up in the attic and that is a shame. And I have decided to sell my new and unused keyboard which breaks my heart but cannot be avoided my dears. I am sure that there is someone out there who would love to buy it from me with all its accessories etc so we are destined to part. It was my 50th birthday present and I started lessons but I cannot continue with them so it makes no sense to hang on to it for sentimental reasons. I am reconciled to its loss so I am not suffering...........................
right! My tummy is rumbling and I fancy something to eat! And then a quiet TV evening to end a busy week, and prepare me for another full one next week as well. The weather doesn't promise much for the weekend so 'chores indoors always score'!
Sue xx

At peace with myself again.

Through wind and rain.........and a very busy A7!!! But I beat you to it by say 1 minute............and it was worth every second thereafter!!
What a terrible day for weather - not just for ducks but I think walruses would have found it challenging as well!! No-one went out from work to do the shopping or anything else for that matter and it was a question of using up what we had for the day, hoping that tomorrow will be finer and dryer.
Phew, the oven is finally connected and Tim and I had oven- ready food for our dinner, yea! I was home later than usual so it was great that it was quick and easy as he was hungry. Still had to clean up first though, as the electrician had made a lot of dust etc. And our neighbours are still insisting on having their bonfires and the smoke gets into the back of my throat and I feel my lungs seizing which I can tell you is most unpleasant!! Not great for an asthmatic, right?! So right now I am struggling with my breathing and have decided to come upstairs and do some blogging before I settle down for the night. I am hoping for a better one than yesterdays as I was awake at 3am this morning and only fell into a deep dream state between 4 and 5.30am........so I was tired all day.
I am reading one of my course books, by Julie Starr, which I think is good. Easy to follow and with enough advice to have me asking for support, feedback and practice, as I really do acknowledge my own limitations ( some, but you will point out the rest, agreed?) and have an inkling where I might have difficulty changing habits of a lifetime!! But I'm not bossy, right, or manipulative in an unpleasant way, or dedicated to getting my own way on matters of vision and interior design?!!!! I can take other ideas into consideration and am willing to mull them over and try them out before making a decision......the point being learning to do this collaboratively of course!! I see the point and will adapt.( I suppose I am secretly enjoying this)! All in the name of self-enlightenment, coach!!!
This weekend I am going to start in the snuggery - or my study/hobby room as it is going to metamorphose into eventually. I will stand in there and mull; step one. Then I will recall what we talked about; step two. Then I will clear away what we don't need at the moment and write a list of what we actually need to have in there, what we already have and what I can do to improve the look of it on the cheap!!  Hey presto, by the end of the next two weeks I hope it will be all sorted and done. The introduction day to my course is 11 September so that is my first deadline, and after that it is all systems go for the old grey matter! Have I got the stamina to study again after all these years? What am I hoping to gain from putting myself out there and testing my ability to learn more and do something with what  I do discover? All those years of reflective practice were obviously going to come in handy, and that day has arrived my friend. I know all about journals and reflection and how to think like Leonardo......bet that is one book you have not read? Or maybe you don't need to...........digging out and dusting off the covers of all my old management books and psychology tomes is good therapy for me. A pig in clover as someone would say, but a pig in paint is my first port of call this weekend!
'we are such stuff as dreams are made of".........what a beautiful way to say goodnight.
Sue xx

is it just me or are you also thinking about..........

Christmas?!!!! I know its crazy but I am having thoughts about Christmas already and at work it seems I am not the only one; our senior was also getting the vibes! But then again he has an English brother-in-law so he is used to going for the traditional dinner with all the trimmings etc. and being part of our celebrations. Really it is just that I love to plan and think; think and plan, and my wish list on Amazon is growing longer and longer by the week! Mostly it consists of really ancient old films that I used to adore watching with my father after Sunday lunch, when my mother was asleep and my sister doing something else. I was banned from all Lassie films though - that was the absolute top forbidden film for me as my father couldn't cope with the sobbing. I still remember him collecting me and a friend from the cinema having been to see 'Love Story"; I think it was the very last time he ever agreed to do that!!! But they were all such wonderful classics and I am tempted to ask for some of them this year just so I can sit and sob all over again! Not that I have a DVD player - minor issue - I just enjoy thinking about the films and what I remember of them, the highlights, for example in Love is a Many Splendored Thing with William Holden I can recall a scene with a tree on a hill and then the song gets played..........magical! Becci and I could spend days watching these old movies together and never move from the settee. She bought me 'The Inn of the Sixth Happiness" the other year which I am convinced has been cut as there are scenes I remember from years ago that are no longer included which is a shame cos they miss the point about her relationship with the Mandarin. One film NOT on my list is the one about the seal that has not name that can be mentioned here as that would tempt someone to buy it for me and reduce me to a total wreck and which I loved and hated at the same time!! It probably would have been up there on the banned list along with Lassie and all other films about animals that I simply cannot bear to watch!
So back to Christmas!!!
Sue xx

This is for Becci!!

My daughter is a huge Bob Dylan and Billy Joel fan so this performance combines both her loves in one go! Bob Dylan wrote this song and asked Billy to cover it and it sort of has that Dylan feel to it in his version rather more than the one done by Adele. Still a great song with great lyrics and style.
What a lot of rain and thunder last night!!! I didn't sleep well at all and was wide awake at 5am this morning, just lying in bed thinking to myself.

This weekend it is Kermis in Lutjebroek and it is celebrated fanatically here I am told. I am hoping we live far enough away from the main areas to avoid it all, but the road gets cut off by the church and getting in and out of here has to be the short-cut route along the edge of the park. I use it all the time to get in and out but anyone visiting us for the first time wouldn't know about it, so I have to remember to mention it to people.
It really looks autumnal outside and the temperature has dropped suddenly and I am thinking about where oh where my winter clothes might be!! I was searching around in the attic yesterday because it is really bugging me that I cannot find some items that I want to get out and hung up etc. Where are my nick-knacks?!!! And getting my cupboard up is the next priority because I start my course soon and need access and space to my study materials.......my practical brain is alive and well this morning!!!
Tim and I are planning a great meal this weekend to get the oven working to the max!! He said he wants to have his favourite pudding which is Queen of Puddings, so that is easy enough to make, and I want to take some nice cookies into work on Friday for my last day with the clients at one of the centres I've been almost full-time at this summer. So time for breakfast and baking books! I know there is a huge box up in the attic with all our baking essentials etc so that is what I am going to do this morning; find it!!!
Sue xx