Don't forget me!!!

see you soon. x

Wednesday

it snowed!! Fortunately it is all gone this morning so no worries.

I like todays quote on the blog about what we do today being able to improve all our tomorrows.
However, I think that what we SAY WE MEAN today can also make a difference tomorrow.

People are inconsistent aren't they? First they complain about someone not being fair, not keeping promises, making life difficult etc. Then you listen as they do exactly the same to you!!! Renege on promises, prove to be unfair themselves and consequently life gets more difficult for you again. I wonder what the missing link might be in their thinking that they don't realise how hypocritical they are being???
Or do they, and simply don't care? I generally believe the best of people until proved otherwise since this is the only way to receive people into your life. But it does occasionally result in disappointment and a realisation that my rose-coloured glasses need a good clean!!!! I'll say no more.
Sue xx

Tuesday

provided me with better health and a day out with our boy. Tim had been wanting to go to Alkmaar to the kitchen shop there, for some new kit, so as it is half term, he popped into my room yesterday morning and asked what my plans were for the day. I always know this is the beginning of a request............
so we toddled off to Alkmaar which we decided we had not visited since last April - that long!! - and enjoyed a delightful day there together. He had saved a lot of money since before Christmas and I think he was in the mood for spending some of it, so that was even better!! I could just troll along beside him and go into all the shops and look whilst he decided what he wanted to buy. He made good choices, didn't blow it all, and we had a super mum-son day out together. I love that sort of day. I miss this sort of day with Becci.
Our plans for the coming weekend are slowly finding a shape and pattern that is compatible with everyone else's wishes - I hope!! I got the suitcase down yesterday and started laying out clothes etc and thinking about all the washing and cleaning and shopping and baking I need to get done today. The cats are suspicious. They keep eyeing me intently as if to say ' we know you are up to something!' Tim will spoil them whilst I am gone, so I don't feel the need to explain my absence to them til the last goodbye. I can always send them a card................
Well, I promised myself that I would be in the shower by 7.30am so that I can get out to the super before nine, and into the kitchen before ten, and sitting pretty in the living room before three!!!! ;-)
Sue xx

Moving on.........

it looks like this is a week for organising, information seeking, planning etc all beginning with my tax return!! Yes, I believe I have got it all in order and am taking it to my bookkeeper tomorrow morning. This is the first time I have done it for myself, so how many things do you think I will have got wrong?!!!!!
Coupled with thinking about tax is the coming of age birthday for Tim in April, so there are lots of changes in our policies and for his study etc that I need to know about. You hear such different stories every time, but my idea is to always go to the source, and find out first hand. So I have been busy ringing the DUO and the health insurance company etc in an attempt to discover what needs to be done.
I also took the cats to the vets for their dental check-up and as predicted, Finka needs to have a little surgical cleaning under anaesthetic.....................so I have contacted her insurance to double check what is really covered!!! It was sounding very expensive, so I told them I would save up and come back when I had the money. Genghis, we agreed, only has a couple of teeth and he can live with that ok so not to bother doing anything more. He was extremely relieved to hear that!!! They both jumped back into the safety of their carrier before the vet could do anything else!! Finka has hidden herself under the blanket just in case I want to catch her again today!!
So, administration is the name of the game this week! Not one of my favourite occupations................
Sue xx

this was the week that was...

my valentine roses

full of nice surprises!!! Red roses, which were beautiful and in need of protection from the attention of our rather romantic little cat. When they were in the living room on the dining table she started picking them out of the vase and bringing them to me. When they were in the study, she laid one out on the bed whilst I was showering. So now they are in a safe place on the bookshelves, way out of her reach!!!

Birthday presents already! Well, two cards and a very thoughtful bookmark actually, which is just what I need.

Work - four days which I badly need right now, so hoping that is going to bring me more in the coming months. It was interesting because there are some projects in the future that might mean job possibilities, and I need regular hours if we are going to survive this year. So cross all fingers and toes for me please!

Study - yesterday which was good. Reminded me that I have more work that I was forgetting about conveniently just for a while...........but still has to be done! Finding the reading hard going right now, which is difficult, but can't be avoided. Hoping to have some clients in the near future too.

Nightmares!!! Seem to be experiencing many of them just lately, which are disturbing and sometimes too real to be welcome. Hoping that this has now passed and I can relax and sleep peacefully.

And THIS week, will see me departing these shores for rather more familiar ones, and a few days of absolute pleasure. I have to admit I can't wait. I have missed too much for too long and I am in great need of some bolstering and support and love and joy and friendship and Marks & Spencers knickers!!!!!
But all this is not enough to keep me away - so before you know it, " I'll be back'!!!!!
Sue xx

"I wish I may....

I wish I might,
wish the wish that comes true tonight."

Not my best poetry but I am sending it out into the universe all the same! My conflicts rage on, and they are appearing out of the woodwork it seems, fighting me on all sides. I wish I felt stronger right now, able to cope, and not sinking to the depths first before realising that air is at the surface! I will swim back up, but right now I am circling around in my own personal ocean, wondering where the fish are so I can eat; wondering where the sun is so I can warm my back; wishing I were an oyster catcher and might find a precious pearl; looking for the greener grass.....................missing, missing, longing, hoping, and to cap it all, I had an appointment with the funeral company last night and heard that I can only have 3 songs!!! That won't do I told him - there are 7 on my list!!!! I think he found me uncompromising on some things, strange about others, and clear about the rest. So I hope that is now organised. I think it will be even louder music in the car this morning - last night I think I blew my eardrums a little but I can take more!!!!
Sue xx

Dreams

can come true, or so they say, but really, this week I'd rather that they didn't!! I am beset by all kinds of conflicting messages and scenes and some are quite scary too.............but how do we know what our sub-conscious is telling us? I believe that we dream from deep within our own desires and wishes but also a compote of everyday experiences, heard words, whispered events, the soundtracks of our lives - and so much more. Whatever it is, I am having a hard time of it!!!
Sue xx

14 February

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. XXXX

ipod playlists -

they can say a lot about us!!! I was updating mine this morning, and came to the conclusion that the order I have them in, is possibly indicative of what moods I have when I listen to music!
We have the angry mood playlist: born to run; f..k you; I thought you were on my side; another one bites the dust; against all odds - you get the drift?!!
Then we have the happy upbeat playlist: obvious child; john I'm only dancing; I love to boogie; crazy little thing; search for the hero; one day like this.
Moving on....love songs!: make you feel my love; out of the blue; catch my breath; I know you by heart; a million love songs; someone like you.
Housework playlist!!! Yes, one to get me through the ironing: hold up a light; the best you ever had; broken; greatest day; the one.
I have Sunday morning music; music for my funeral; best of british - taken into account my love of musicals and classical music, and my all time favourites and most sung.
Then I have the most recent CD playlists that  I enjoy listening to currently - Adele 21; The Union; Gravity etc.
The one for cycling on my bike has a mix of slow and steady followed by a final burst of Celine Dions more upbeat tempo singles for my flagging legs to find that last touch of power!
The overriding conclusion has to be that I adore a good power ballad, no matter who is singing it, if it has great lyrics and a catchy tune! I have my favourites, but they are more or less attached to memories and events in my life, and not random choices  really.
I need to sort out the rest because my little ipod is struggling under the volume of music I have got in itunes and cannot accommodate on my pod anymore. I spend hours shuffling them in and out of it when I sync, and just having to make choices is painful - I want to keep them all!! The answer, I realise, is an ipod classic.....................as Tim delights in telling me over and over again! Best thing he ever did was trade his touch for a classic. Me, I will poddle on making my selection so that when I am lying awake in bed in the early hours, I can lull myself back to sleep with a new Lullaby playlist!!!!
Sue xx

change of weather

this morning; rain, rain, rain. And wind. Poor Tim, setting off to work this morning early doors - I was cosy in bed!!

So, this weekend is for Valentines. Last night Tim and  I went shopping for his 'valentine's meal' that he has been preparing for his girlfriend and him on Sunday. I am proud of him for being such a sensitive and romantic young man, and for wanting to show his affection and love in this way. What girl would not be overwhelmed by his attentions?! They had discussed what to cook together, some things decided due to them loving what I cooked at Christmas, so that was a nice compliment. I think the white chocolate and strawberry cheesecake sounds delish!! I offered to be the waitress but was told he could do that as well................aah. So are we ladies all dreaming about our knights sending us roses on Monday? My dream romantic gesture would be to receive a bouquet of roses whilst at my work...........years ago when I was just a slip of a girl, I was present in a meeting when this happened to a colleague of mine, and her absolute surprise and joy and happiness at her husbands thoughtfulness, has stayed with me. I used to babysit for their children as we all worked in the same hospital, and they were a  truly lovely family. Sadly this same lady had Multiple Sclerosis which she battled bravely for many years. I just have to buy the single red rose for Tim as he is working all day; think I can manage that!

Nothing much has been happening in our little slice of the universe, so not a lot to talk about. The coming weeks are busy what with work and half term, and the mundane activities of life. It all has to continue and get done and all that, but it is less than inspiring, and I am trying to focus on March instead! Perhaps that will be a month of sunshine, and flowers and warmth and spring................
Sue xx

Struggling

to settle down to work! My mind is elsewhere this week, so I am sitting here hoping for inspiration to write my essays.............and its not happening!! I have to prepare some research on Cognitive Therapy as well, for our next study group, and I really wish I was able to concentrate on these tasks instead of feeling preoccupied with other matters. I did manage one chapter of the tome............it was ok, but I see how it is going to require a lot of dedication if I am to read it all in a reasonable time frame.
Today I received my Christmas present from my daughter -  a poetry book and a CD that I had placed on my wish list. Tim had a t-shirt of a group he likes, so he was well pleased. It was good to have such a wonderful surprise this morning when I answered the door - the last few days it has all been about tax returns and new bills etc, and that is no fun. I am on a steep learning curve this month!!! This weekend I need to knuckle down and prepare my paperwork for the tax return, and given that I understand zilch about  it I am not looking forward to it one little bit. Perhaps that is why my essays are not free-flowing right now......
This month the cats are being treated to a free teeth and mouth control at the vets. I already know the outcome, as Siamese do suffer badly from gum disease etc and even though we do everything possible to keep them healthy, this is never going to be easy. So I am anticipating being told that Finka requires an operation to clean her teeth and treat her gums..................and since Genghis has only one or two teeth anyway, he can manage a while longer. I take them together now to prevent any trouble between them once one comes home smelling like the vets. It worked a treat last time so I am hoping this is going to be the solution every time. Genghis went outside this morning for a sniff of spring air, but it is still rather too cold for him to remain out there and sleep. Not long now Geng!!!
Well, how long can I procrastinate for?...........thought so!!!
Sue xx

Makes perfect sense to me

Sitting here reading the latest updates on various lovely blogs I read regularly, I chanced upon this C.S Lewis quote over at www.creatingwings.com. It immediately spoke to me:

" If I find in myself desires which nothing 

in this world can satisfy,

the only logical explanation

is that I was made for another."

Makes perfect sense to me!!!

Sue xx

Mixed week

Not been blogging much this week due to a nasty cold and feeling quiet and thoughtful about so many things, but am now on the mend again. Listening to the new Adele CD 'Adele 21" which is just what I need right now. Of course, waiting for Bob still.........did you see him trampolining on the One Show on Friday? What a cool guy, I just love his sense of humor. And the song still rates up there for me. I particularly like Someone, on this CD.........seems to speak right to me, y'know? Listen to it sometime for me.
Today was another study day, long, intense, hugely empowering and humbling. A mixed bag of emotions racing through me this evening, trying to take it all in. We are about to embark on THE BIG BOOK - 'An Introduction to Counselling' - which we need to know cover to cover before the exam in July. We are forewarned that it is not your average night-time reading matter, but one that we will pick up and put right back down again after a few pages!! I think it is just that it covers so many of the different approaches to psychology so lots of theory.............from Freud to Jung to Rogers to Egan to Fred Sellers down the road!!!
Having studied some of this before, I think I can handle it well enough but remembering it all????????? Another matter completely!! Hard to believe we are half way now, and it is apparent that the real work is only just beginning. Tomorrow is study day as well, so a full weekend.
The wind was horrendous today. Too much for Tim to cycle to work but we managed to sort that out eventually with the very kind help of Ann - thanks, again! My poor car was being blown from side to side all the way to Amsterdam and back, and I did feel a little worried when huge gusts tucked under her little body.........hopefully the worst is now over.
Well, catching up on housework this evening so better do some more before I go to bed. TV on Saturdays..why is it always so naff?!!
Sue xx

Thought of the day....

"Love comes when manipulation stops;

When you think more about the other person

than about his or her reactions to you.

When you dare to reveal yourself fully.

When you dare to be vulnerable."